Mary Jane Munley of Woodridge. Ill. has 49 prison pan pals. Yes, you read that right. This retired nurse, who was also the chief operating officer of an orthopedic medical practice, writes to 49 men incarcerated in Illinois prisons. And she writes each of them every month, spending about four hours per day doing it.
Munley is one of thousands of people across the U.S. who have gotten to know people who are incarcerated through being a pen pal. Ever since we published an article on the topic nearly four years ago, we’ve wanted to introduce our blog readers to someone with an especially compelling pen pal experience. Then, as luck would have it, Mary Jane Munley reached out – and we knew we had found the perfect story to share.
Not too long ago, Munley contacted us saying she wanted to buy 50 copies of our book Jails to Jobs: Seven Steps to Becoming Employed for her prison pen pals. We were intrigued and wanted to know her story.
That story began in 2015 when a deacon at her church started a group who would write to people who are incarcerated. Munley was assigned two people and enjoyed the experience so much that she decided to increase her number of correspondents. One year she went through the Illinois Dept. of Corrections data base and sent Christmas cards to a group whose numbers began with A, because she thought they were older. “I didn’t look at what they were in for since I didn’t want to be biased,” she says.
“Once I sent those out several people responded. I wanted to let them know they’re not forgotten, show them that God is in their lives, and provide them with joy and happiness.”
What topics Mary Jane Munley covers with her pen pals
In the initial letter she tells them what her goals are for them. And they tell her what they’re seeking, so she can decide if she can give them what they want. Most of them just want someone on the outside who can talk about what’s going on in the world. And they want to know about issues that directly apply to them. For example, they’re currently interested in two bills in the Illinois legislature that pertain to people who are incarcerated. One of these, HB 2045, will allow those aged 55 and older who have served 25 or more consecutive years in prison to petition for parole.
In her letters, which she writes monthly to each pen pal, she tells them about her everyday life.
“We talk about basketball and football, current events, the fact that Jerry and I had to go to traffic court because someone rear ended us. They want to know how my husband is doing because he had prostate cancer a year ago. They like hearing about daily life. I went to the grocery store, this is what I bought, and this is how much it costs. And they talk about what’s available at the commissary,” Munley says.
Jokes entertain and health facts inform
“Every month I make up a joke list and send it to them, so they have something to laugh about. Whatever can bring a little bit of joy into their lives.”
She has also sent out printed health-related information, such as how the heart and lungs work.
As they got to know her, they began to ask questions like, “Can you see where I am with my clemency? Can you call my daughter? She doesn’t seem to be answering me anymore. I’m not feeling good. I’m having these symptoms. What do you think it might be?” she says. The requests vary widely. “But If they ask and if it’s within boundaries I’m going to try to help them.”
Over the years, she’s found that many of their needs weren’t truly being met, because most of their families had died.
Sometimes they ask for money, though. “Most of the time I tell them I’m not able to do that because we’re on a fixed income. I do send money to one man, however, because he has no one in his life,” Munley says. “He was on death row for many years and has worked himself up to be a counselor for other people in prison. He really truly needs some money, so I do send him a small amount.”
Communicating beyond letters
Her pen pals have recently received permission to do text messaging. “Now that they can text us, the texts are coming fast and furious, and it can be overwhelming. “Yesterday I got six texts and one phone call,” she says.
Most of her pen pals came from the first group of Christmas cards Munley sent out, but people leave prison, and a few have asked her if she would mind if their friends contacted her. And she didn’t. She now has pen pals in 16 different Illinois prisons.
Although her relationships are mostly just through writing, Munley did visit a couple of prisoners she got to know as pen pals. She and her husband visited one of them every month for five or six years until he transferred to a prison that was too far away. They visited another prisoner for three years.
“I don’t visit them anymore. It takes a lot of physical energy to do that, and emotionally it is really difficult to see what they have to go through. Not even thinking about why they’re there, but knowing the lack of humanity, the lack of kindness. Emotionally it’s very draining.,” Munley says.
She has also talked to some of her pen pals on the phone and done video chats, which are no longer possible.
Keeping track of pen pals
With so many contacts in prisons, it could be difficult to keep track of what she’s written to them. But Munley deals with this by making copies of all the letters she’s sent. Texting will be more problematical, because under the new system, text messages will only be available for one month. Most of her pen pals prefer to write letters, but she does have one group that’s very much into texting.
For Munley, writing pen pals has become a mission. She didn’t remain with her original church group, but as she says, “I went off and started my own ministry.”
And that ministry has taken over a great deal of her time. “I spend no less than four hours per day. It’s a commitment that I made. It wasn’t necessarily that much 10 years ago, but life changes and their needs change,” she says. “They get very concerned if they don’t hear from me, but I have to remind some of them that I’m 82.”
Mary Jane Munley bought 50 copies of our book
We originally got to know Mary Jane Munley when she contacted us to order 50 copies of our book and wanted to know why she did that.
Here’s what she told us: “It provides them so much practical information, and it tells them how to behave in prison without saying that. It tells them how to be positive and how to address people. It gives them some basic knowledge that they may have never had in their life,” she says. “The book will give them an opportunity to learn, to grow and to deal with those they are butting up against. If they develop certain skills, they can deal with people. And the list of possible jobs is wonderful. It sparks their brain a little.”
Having all these prison pen pals has meant a great deal to Munley.
“I’ve seen a growth in myself. A growth in understanding behavior. They’re really friends. And just having those friends and having their input into what’s happening in their world is good for me too,” she says. “If you forget to count your blessings you just need to listen to what they have to go through every day. And you thank God that you aren’t in that same situation.”
For the prisoners it means having a friend. “Friendship is key for them. Being able to hear how they feel. And knowing that there’s somebody who has their back. That I’m willing to call constituent services if they’re supposed to have hearing aids three years ago, and they still haven’t gotten them,” she says.
Advice for others
As far as advice to those thinking about establishing a pen pal relationship with a person in prison, Mary Jane Munley recommends, first of all, setting boundaries about what you want to – and don’t want to – talk about. And if you decide to end the relationship, be honest about the fact that you will no longer be able to write them and why.
While some potential pen pals may be worried that those they write to will try to find them after leaving prison, Munley says that is highly unlikely. Instead, they will probably be overwhelmed looking for a job and dealing with their family. So don’t worry about that, she says.
And based on her story, having a pen pal in prison can open a whole new world of understanding for those who are willing to give it a try.
Editor’s note:
Munley recommends a book on how to be a good pen pal to give to those who are incarcerated – and those who are not .
Pen Pals: A Personal Guide For Prisoners: Resources, Tips, Creative Inspiration and More by Krista Smith.
